If you’re ordering appetizers at a sports bar, there are wrong decisions, right decisions and my decisions.
This began as a list of the five best appetizers you can find at any sports bar, but when faced with the challenge of picking just five, it fell apart like an overloaded nacho and instead became a ranking of all (19) sports bar appetizers. So, here we are and that’s what we’re going to do.
What we’re not gonna do is rank and/or mention any of the foods listed in the appetizer section of the menu that are, basically, entrees in smaller sizes. No sliders, quesadillas, pizzas and/or flatbreads.
Let’s proceed.
Credit: Food Coma / Facebook
19. Fried mac and cheese
Every single time I see mac and cheese bites on the menu I get excited and every single time I order them it’s a goddamn disappointment. Mac and cheese is a top 5 food in my estimation and, as this list will reflect, I generally feel super positively about fried food. And yet.
Fried mac and cheese bites are trash. Always.
18. Onion rings
Honestly, I didn’t know how little I cared about onion rings until I realized I would order 17 other bar appetizers before I would order onion rings. The only reason onion rings aren’t 19 is because fried mac and cheese bites are so offensive to my sensibilities as a mac and cheese fan.
Onion rings are certainly not bad, they are a fine entry in the pantheon of fried foods, but they’re really not bringing anything special to the table. Perhaps they shine in more of a supporting role, like on a burger or maybe as a side. But not as an app.
17. Fried pickles
You want to know how trash fried mac and cheese bites are? I hate pickles and I still feel like I’d give a fried pickle a chance over FMCBs.
Addressing the ranking of fried pickles more generally, though, fried pickles are the kind of bar food that you forget about when trying to rank bar foods. Which also means they are the kind of bar app you’re never going to order unless the only other foods on the menu are FMCBs or onion rings.
Credit: TGI Fridays / Facebook
16. Hummus
I truly love hummus and on another list, perhaps a list of general appetizers, it would be ranked much, much higher.
(One time, in college, I went as red pepper hummus for Halloween. [It was supposed to be a group costume, but the other members of the Hummus Club bailed. {Also in college, I was in a Hummus Club. We had t-shirts.}]).
But this is a list of best sports bar appetizers and while hummus is quickly establishing itself as the Healthy Option on the app menu, my ruling is such: Unless you have it on experience or good authority that the sports bar you’re in serves excellent hummus, there are generally better orders to be made.
15. Potato skins
People like potato skins, semi-hollowed out baked potatoes loaded with the toppings with which you normally load appetizers: cheese, bacon and green onion.
Some people love potato skins. Were you to order potato skins at a sports bar, you more likely than not would not regret your decision. It’s a fine, if forgettable, inclusion on a sample platter. But they are not an elite appetizer.
14. Fries (for the table)
The perfect french fry is one of the great joys in this godforsaken world, but the problem is we all have such different ideas of what the perfect fry should be.
Generally speaking, fries are delicious, easy to munch on, total crowd pleasers and will only semi-ruin your appetite for an actual meal. Plus, they typically come with your choice of dipping side: ranch, cheese, blue cheese, one of the million variations of chipotle mayo that bars are so fond of these days. (As you will see, dipping sauce compatibility is a strong indicator of a good appetizer.)
And yet, the range in quality (and also form) of fries is astounding and sometimes scary, and that’s why I can’t, in good conscience, rank classic fries any higher. Also because they are perhaps first and foremost a side.
Credit: Jake Melnick’s Corner Tap / Facebook
13. Chicken tenders
I thought long and hard about whether chicken tenders fell into the “actually just a lost entree” category, but ultimately I decided they were solidly an appetizer, appearing far more consistently on appetizer menus than flatbreads or quesadillas.
It’s hard to go wrong with any form of fried chicken and, as with all the successful sports bar appetizers, bars really elevate chicken tenders as an app with sauces.
12. Chips and salsa
On one hand, chips and salsa is free at most Mexican places worth their tequila salt. On the other, chips and salsa still shows up on the menu of generic sports bars. And, as an appetizer, chips and salsa is an extremely classic choice.
As anyone who has absentmindedly put back a bowl of chips without realizing it can attest, they are delicious, addicting and a strong start.
11. Chips and guac
Everything from the above but with guacamole. Look, I know it’s incredibly basic and very millennial to laud the virtues of avocado and its various forms, but so be it.
Guac is very good. Chips and guac is a very good appetizer.
10. Spinach and artichoke dip
Dips, generally, good appetizers. Spinach and artichoke dip — which should always feature a (un)healthy and unspoken quantity of cheese — is one of the best. While it won’t appear on every sports bar menu, like hummus, it immediately raises the caliber of the sports bar you are in and immediately warrants your consideration.
Credit: FOODbible
9. Jalapeno poppers
I forget about jalapeno poppers a lot, for which I must apologize to their fans. The deep fried cheese-and-bacon-stuffed pepper delicacy is fundamentally, foundationally, a strong sports bar appetizer, not least because jalapeno poppers also have a je-ne-sais-quoi about them that really speaks to the “sports bar” part of the equation.
In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not sure I’ve ever had jalapeno poppers in a bar, but I do have a friend who makes really excellent homemade JPs. (She doesn’t deep-fry them, rather they are classily wrapped in a crescent roll.) She brought them to a dip party and while JPs are admittedly not a dip, they were still delicious.
8. Loaded fries or, as Canadians call it, poutine
While an order of fries may actually, truly, be a side, loaded fries are most definitely an appetizer. And what an appetizer they are. There are many ways that loaded fries can be loaded, but the most trendy are those inspired by or straight-up called poutine.
Poutine in its purest form is french fries, topped with cheese curds and doused in gravy. In its variations, it may feature different meats (pork, beef, bacon, salmon — which is not a meat — if you’re feeling fancy), different cheeses and different gravy-esque sauces.
At which point you can also refer to whatever you’re ordering as loaded fries, which tend to feature cheese, bacon, maybe jalapenos, maybe chili. Sometimes they’re seasoned — cajun, garlic parmesan — or covered — in ranch, buffalo, BBQ sauce, more cheese in sauce form.
(In the writing of this article, I discovered that a late-night spot that specialized in barbecue and poutine closed and I am distraught. I only went once, so I am also responsible for its closure, but I remember it as amazing.)
7. Tots
I discovered the joys of tater tots late in life, particular as I am about all things vaguely related to potatoes. But tots are awesome and, given the choice between tots or fries, love yourself and choose tots every time.
Also, this isn’t really super related to sports bar appetizers, but a tater tot grilled cheese is also on my culinary bucket list.
Credit: Travel Long Island
6. Mozzarella sticks
It physically pains me to leave mozzarella sticks out of the top 5, given that I love them deeply and they would be in consideration for both my death row and desert island meals. Mozz sticks are also an excellent appetizer staple, checking all the most important boxes: fried, cheese-focused, served with your choice of dipping sauce.
But lo, we’ve reached the point of the list where it’s no longer a matter of “is this a great sports bar appetizer?” but rather, “is this better than the remaining sports bar appetizers?” And as much as I love mozz sticks, I just can’t name it a top 5 sports bar app.
(When I was in high school, my mom would get these really great sticks from a door-to-door bulk frozen food salesman, which was a thing where I grew up. My mom has since informed me that this salesman was super creepy, but she still bought from him because she knew how much I loved those sticks. That’s love.)
5. Cheese curds
One time, I went to Madison, Wisconsin for three days with a group of friends and we ate fried cheese curds at every single meal. On the second night — four meals in — we cooked dinner at our Airbnb and we fried our own cheese curds. The really real thing is that before heading home, two additional cheese-curd-featuring meals later, when we stopped for the tried and true ritual of loading up the trunk with Spotted Cow, we bought more cheese curds.
That’s how good cheese curds are.
4. Sampler platter
A sampler platter is the No. 4 sports bar appetizer because ordering a sampler platter featuring any of the foods that came before it on this list is a better idea than ordering a full order of said food. So, while mozzarella sticks are the light of my life, nine out of 10 times, I’m still making the decision to load up on mozz sticks with some jalapeno poppers and some tots in a pick-3 trio platter.
When I, as a grown adult, was biding time at a TGI Friday’s waiting for the traffic to clear after a concert in the suburbs, a friend and I ordered a sampler platter of sticks, skins and a mystery app no one can remember so it was probably onion rings. That sampler platter was the smartest decision I made all year. (Sidebar: TGI Friday’s sticks are actually pretty trash. [Also, never forget this fine and groundbreaking piece of mozz stick journalism.])
Credit: Fado’s
3. Wings
Let me just say right now I don’t like wings, but I respect what wings have accomplished. Wings are iconic. Wings are a pillar of the sports bar appetizer community. Wings mean a lot to people who mean a lot to me and wings have brought much pleasure and satisfaction to sports bar patrons who are hungry but not hungry enough to order a burger. They hit two of the three power qualifiers for good appetizers (fried, good choice of sauces).
Wings have even contributed to the community in the form of really cheap deals and I am a strong supporter of bar deals and/or making decisions based on deals.
In fact, wings might be the most quintessential sports bar appetizer. Still, they are not the best.
2. Soft Pretzel
Here’s another story for you: Last year, I planned a soft pretzel crawl, which is exactly what it sounds like. Along with a group of likeminded soft pretzel enthusiasts otherwise known as my friends, I ventured to five Chicago establishments — three out of five of which were sports bars — sampling soft pretzels in various forms (nuggets, Bavarian style, breadstick-ish, stadium and/or shopping mall style) with their respective dipping sauces (fake cheese, spicy mustard, fancy cheese, more fake cheese).
Once, someone told me they had never had a soft pretzel and I stopped speaking to them.
All of which is to say, this is my ranking and soft pretzels are No. 2.
1. Nachos
The degree to which I love soft pretzels should indicate to you in how high of an esteem I hold nachos. That’s because nachos are a perfect sports bar appetizer.
Nachos:
- Feature cheese prominently, melted, sprinkled and/or in queso form
- Include your choice of meat (chicken! brisket! pulled pork! bacon!) but are also eminently vegetarian-friendly
- Involve your choice of dipping-sauce-like additions (salsa! guac! queso! sour cream!)
- Are subtly customizable, meaning you can hold or add things without being a massive jerk
- Adapt to whatever cuisine you’re in the mood for, e.g., BBQ nachos, kimchi nachos, breakfast nachos, etc.
- Feed groups, duos, and solo consumers — in other words, nachos are easily scalable
Essentially, they combine all the best things about the previous appetizers (loadable foods and the foods onto which you load them) in one perfect appetizer.
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The only thing nachos are not is fried, which is kind of a blessing because it makes them feel less bad for you, or something. And really, if you go to the right bar and you may even find fried nachos, which actually might be the holy grail of sports bar appetizers.