Every worthwhile sports bar appetizer, ranked by pure personal preference

If you’re ordering appetizers at a sports bar, there are wrong decisions, right decisions and my decisions.

This began as a list of the five best appetizers you can find at any sports bar, but when faced with the challenge of picking just five, it fell apart like an overloaded nacho and instead became a ranking of all (19) sports bar appetizers. So, here we are and that’s what we’re going to do.

What we’re not gonna do is rank and/or mention any of the foods listed in the appetizer section of the menu that are, basically, entrees in smaller sizes. No sliders, quesadillas, pizzas and/or flatbreads.

Let’s proceed.

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19. Fried mac and cheese

Every single time I see mac and cheese bites on the menu I get excited and every single time I order them it’s a goddamn disappointment. Mac and cheese is a top 5 food in my estimation and, as this list will reflect, I generally feel super positively about fried food. And yet.

Fried mac and cheese bites are trash. Always.

18. Onion rings

Honestly, I didn’t know how little I cared about onion rings until I realized I would order 17 other bar appetizers before I would order onion rings. The only reason onion rings aren’t 19 is because fried mac and cheese bites are so offensive to my sensibilities as a mac and cheese fan.

Onion rings are certainly not bad, they are a fine entry in the pantheon of fried foods, but they’re really not bringing anything special to the table. Perhaps they shine in more of a supporting role, like on a burger or maybe as a side. But not as an app.

17. Fried pickles

You want to know how trash fried mac and cheese bites are? I hate pickles and I still feel like I’d give a fried pickle a chance over FMCBs.

Addressing the ranking of fried pickles more generally, though, fried pickles are the kind of bar food that you forget about when trying to rank bar foods. Which also means they are the kind of bar app you’re never going to order unless the only other foods on the menu are FMCBs or onion rings.