Applebee’s adds actual buckets of rum to menu (and a new bacon burger)

Ever wanted a literal bucket of cocktails? And to be clear, I don’t mean a bucket that holds some cans of cocktails or something, I mean cocktails poured into a bucket that you can carry around with you, and possibly strap to your face like a feedbag? Then I have some amazing news: $10 Bacardi Rum Buckets are now available at Applebee’s.

The actual news headline menu item the restaurant chain would like you to focus on is their Whole Lotta Bacon Burger, which is now available nationwide. Featuring three slices of bacon, tangy bacon sauce, American cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onion and pickles, it comes on a toasted Brioche bun with classic fries on the side.

Sounds good! I will eat that, because I’m a normal person who likes eating burgers, bacon is tasty, and despite the fact that they didn’t chop up pieces of bacon and cook them into the burger meat to make this the most eXXXtreme bacon burger ever, it still sounds pretty bacony. I’m in! It costs $9.99, and is available for a limited time.

But I’ll be honest with you, this pales in comparison to the Rum Buckets, which were announced back in March and are also now available in Applebee’s everywhere. Here are the bucket flavors, which is a weird phrase to write, per Applebee’s press release:

Rum Breeze Bucket, a delicious cocktail made with Bacardi Superior Rum, Malibu Coconut Rum, blue curacao, lemon, pineapple juice and lemon lime soda.

Tropical Mama Bucket, a zesty twist on a Bahama Mama made with Bacardi Lime Rum, crème de banana liqueur, grenadine, pineapple and orange juice topped with lemon lime soda.

Party on the Beach Bucket, a tasty treat featuring Bacardi Lime Rum, peach schnapps, passion fruit, pineapple and orange juice.

I… What? What is this? How are you supposed to drink this? I guess based on comparison to a bottle of Bacardi, these only seem a little larger than your run-of-the-mill cup. So you can’t actually strap this to your head and slurp it like a horse. But at the same time, it seems to imply that somewhere on tropical islands people are walking around with sloshy full-sized buckets of alcohol? Is that true? Can I go there? Please?

The chain also has one more, slightly less ridiculous item on tap which is called Spring Break Sips. For $5 you can get the Adios, a blue Long Island Iced Tea; or for $4 there’s a non-alcoholic mocktail on the beach. Neither come in a bucket, but they are available now.