Oreos, just be yourself
The late Mitch Hedberg has a great bit of comedy where he complains about “turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami” and then tells the poor turkeys, “Man, just be yourselves!” Turkeys being incapable of achieving self-actualization is a hilarious premise, but it’s nothing compared to the identity crisis of Oreos.
The cookie giant has released numerous varieties over the years. Some of these have stuck around since their inception, offering us the chance to enjoy a vanilla variation, pure chocolate Oreo, and the ever-popular Double-Stuft (the only Oreo to some cookie fanatics). There are at least 8 constants on the Oreo shelf and a constantly rotating selection of new varieties.
This year alone, Oreo has come out with 8 new flavors! These new flavors range from the enticing and festive Gingerbread, to the bizarre and disturbingly colorful Trolls World Tour Oreo. Caramel-Coconut, Dark Chocolate Fudge Covered, Chocolate Marshmallow, even Tiramisu! (a flavor I now need to go buy). It’s a diabetic’s nightmare coming out of the Nabisco factory.
Oreos: Some classic (and not-so-classic) flavors
More creme
That’s all we really want out of our Oreos, isn’t it? Well, Oreo has obliged in several different ways. The classic Double Stuft was introduced in 1974 and hasn’t been far from our sweet tooth since. There was the Big Stuf Oreo, an enormous beast of a cookie for the ’80s. This monstrosity contained more than 6 times as many calories as a single, regular Oreo. There was the Triple-Double Oreo – a double-decker sandwich cookie – the Mega Stuf Oreo that was even larger than Double-Stuft. And then there was “The Most Stuft”, the Oreo for people who take two Double-Stuft Oreo halves and eat them together. The only thing missing from these Oreos was a spell-checker.
Promotional Oreos
We’ve already mentioned the Trolls World Tour Oreo, but did you know there was an Android Oreo? Ya know, like the phone? If you’re wondering what that tastes like, apparently it was flavored “green”. Yum. Yum. Yummy.
One of the best things in the world are those cross-promotional Oreo treats, the ones you can only get at certain Fast Food restaurants. I’m talking about the Dairy Queen Blizzard and the Oreo McFlurry at McDonald’s. Did you know you can have them add hot fudge to your McFlurry? It’s become a favorite of my wife’s – a constant craving if you will. Go try one when you’re done reading this article. Or read this article while waiting in the drive-thru of your local McDonald’s while you wait for one. It’s okay, they have free Wi-Fi.
International favorites
Did you know there are Oreos you might never get to try? Even if you’ve tried every single variety since Oreo began down its schizophrenic path? Unless you’re a world traveler whose mission is the pursuit of foreign snacks, or you’re willing to pay some hefty international shipping fees, of course. That’s because some Asian countries seem to be as wild about Oreos as Americans. Japan has both a Green Tea cookie and a Lemon Ice cookie. Ice Cream flavored Oreos such as Blue Raspberry and Orange have found their way into Thailand and China.
Oreo oddities
From Swedish Fish to Fruit Punch, there have been some real head-scratchers with Oreo flavors over the years. True, there are some mouth-watering varieties in this lift of strangeness. Waffles & Syrup or Cookie Butter Oreos are right up my alley. There’s the Firework Oreo for those of you who enjoy Pop Rocks and the feeling of having the inside of your skull pelted with tiny pebbles. But the one that has me most confused is the Cookies & Creme Oreo. Yes, that’s right, an Oreo flavored Oreo. Personally, I love Oreos. I also love Oreos. I can only imagine what Oreos combined with Oreos must taste like! I’m sold. I want my Oreo-Oreo. Someday, I may even have an Oreo-Oreo flavored Oreo-Oreo. No. That’s just crazy talk.
My most beloved
The original Oreo will always be a favorite. Even if it isn’t the original sandwich cookie, it is the best at what they offer. Even when we are completely and thoroughly confused by their flavor choices, we’re still excited to try them. My personal favorite, and one that I rank even above the classic Oreo, is their Marshmallow Crispy Oreo. Every now and again, I’ll have a craving for this snack based on the Rice Krispies Treat. The creme tasted like marshmallow, it had little bits of puffed rice cereal in it that gave it an extra little crunch. They were the best, and they’re gone. Yes, it’s fun to see new Oreos on our shelves, but the sad truth is that we could fall in love with a new variety that we’ll never see again. Enjoy your Trolls Oreos while you can. And never forget your fallen favorites.
What are your favorite Oreo flavors? What are your least favorite? Let us know in the comments below!