7-Eleven Big Bite Hot Dog Sparkling Water review: Yes, it’s an April Fools’ prank, but we tried it anyway

We have drank of the hot dog water, and we have been reborn.

7-Select Big Bite Sparkling Water
7-Select Big Bite Sparkling Water /

Imagine, if you will, walking a New York City street during the height of summer. You’re sweating, music fills the streets alongside the honking of horns, and all you want is something refreshing to cool you down. So what do you do? Why, naturally, you take your head and stick it into the bubbling, frothing water of a hot dog cart, and drink deeply of the sweet nectar inside.

That, in essence, is the experience that awaits you when you drink 7-Eleven’s Big Bite Hot Dog Sparkling Water – something that, as you can imagine, is an April Fools Day joke… But may become real, if enough people demand it.

…But will they demand hot dog sparkling water? Announced on March 27, 2024, the initial reaction from, perhaps, every living breathing human was: this is an April Fools’ Day joke. It has to be an April Fools’ Day joke. You are releasing it on April Fools’ Day, and nobody in their right mind would want to drink sparkling hot dog water.

The thing is, those maniacs at 7-Eleven actually did make a limited supply of the Big Bite Hot Dog Sparkling Water, and here at Guilty Eats we were lucky (?) enough to try a sample.

The backstory is that I assume, the Big Bite Hot Dog Sparkling Water is a stealthy way of advertising the Seven Select/House of Miracle collaboration for three actually available sparkling waters: Green Apple, Sweet Orange, and Lemon & Lime. I was sent samples of all four flavors to try, but let’s be real, I went straight for the hot dog water.

7-Select Big Bite Sparkling Water(1)
7-Select Big Bite Sparkling Water /

Immediately on popping open the can, you are hit with a powerful scent (I would even perhaps say stench) of cooked hot dogs. There’s a bit of smoke/burn in there, and frankly, it smells exactly what it’s like when you put your face next to a rack of rotating Big Bite Hot Dogs at 7-Eleven. I’d say “mission accomplished” except I’m not sure who tasked them with this mission, or whether it was something we should be hoping to accomplish.

How to describe the taste? Let’s start with the positive. Seven Select House of Miracles is nicely carbonated sparkling water – not too frothy, not too light. The bubbles are just the right size, and it doesn’t leave the slick feeling you can get in your throat from other flavored sparkling water brands.

That’s the positive! The negative is this tastes like hot dogs! Hot dogs that have been soaking in water!!

I really don’t know what else to say here other than whatever you imagine this tastes like? It tastes like that. The first sip was extremely strong with what would be like licking the run-off of hot dog juice on a paper plate, and I recoiled almost immediately. Despite what I said earlier, the taste definitely sat there for a while, and it tasted bad. Don’t get me wrong, I love hot dogs. I’m no Joey Chestnut, but I could easily eat hot dogs almost every day if that wouldn’t kill me by the end of the year. But hot dog taste divorced from the snap of the casing and the chew of the meat is not something I’d like to experience again.

So I had a second sip, to make sure I experienced it again. It was less hot doggy the second time on the pour but hit harder once it slammed into my throat. I recoiled and put it down after that. In fact, as I type this review, the hot dog seltzer is sitting next to me, and every once in a while I take a whiff and get a little ill.

While this isn’t a real product other than the limited samples created, and I wouldn’t walk into a 7-Eleven and buy this under nearly any circumstance, it is something that has garnered enough response that the chain is considering making it a reality for folks beyond press. If it does happen, I could see this being more along the lines of a Bean Boozled type deal where you dare people to drink it. Sitting back at a barbecue and sipping hot dog-flavored seltzer on a regular basis? Not so much.

Still, as an April Fools’ prank, it’s a pretty good one. And it is impressive they were perfectly able to channel a Big Bite hot dog through sparkling water. Honestly, Limp Bizkit would be proud.

. 7-Eleven Big Bite Hot Dog Sparkling Water. 7-Eleven Big Bite Hot Dog Sparkling Water. C-. As an April Fools' Day prank, this is an A+. As an actual food item? Not so much.

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