Hot Slurpee take: A hot Slurpee sounds gross!

Here’s a hot Slurpee take: yuck, that sounds gross. I don’t know why anyone would want to drink a hot Slurpee. And in fact, generally speaking, I don’t think people do drink hot Slurpees! The whole premise of this piece is flawed!

Let’s take a step back here, though… Today, July 11, 2024 is Slurpee Day. That’s because July 11 shortens to 7/11, which is, you know, the same as 7-Eleven. As a result, if you head to your local 7-Eleven, Speedway or Stripes store (they’re all part of the same brand), you can snag a free small Slurpee while supplies last. In addition, you can also get another free Slurpee by the end of the month, if you scan your rewards card (or barcode in the app). And not only that, the stores are selling $1 deals for pizza, gummies and more, through July 23. And not only that, you can also enter to win free drinks and snacks for a year, just by shopping at 7-Eleven.

Wow, that all sounds great! You know what’s not great? A piping hot Slurpee. Just imagine you go to the drink dispenser, expecting an icy cool Slurpee… And instead, what pours into your cup is a bubbling froth of sugar syrup and hot water. You know who would be in hot water in that case? 7-Eleven, for serving me a hot Slurpee! This has never happened, to be clear, everyone I’ve ever encountered at a 7-Eleven has been courteous and nice. But you know, just imagine that scenario, it sounds bad.

Conversely, what sounds very good is that 7-Eleven is working with the Children’s Miracle Network to create a limited edition Slurpee cup, which brings awareness to the organization's “mission and raise support through in-store fundraising campaigns,” per 7-Eleven’s press release about Slurpee Day, which was distributed at 7:11 am ET, which is very cute.

On the other hand, you wouldn’t be feeling cute after you left a 7-Eleven with a steaming cup of Slurpee in the 90-degree weather that’s been afflicting most of the country. I know some people drink iced coffee in the winter, but a hot Slurpee in summer? Come on, that sounds terrible! I’m sorry if that offends your delicate sensibilities, but let’s be clear here, a hot Slurpee sounds like actually drinking the liquid fires of hell.

So instead, why not try one of the new treats available at 7-Eleven, like the Drumstick Slurpee Blue Raspberry Vanilla Cone, or Hostess Twinkies with Cherry Slurpee flavoring? Both are available for a limited time. And sure, you can ask your local 7-Eleven server to heat them up in the microwave. But why would you? Another hot take: hot ice cream sounds bad, too! And your Twinkie would probably explode!

This Slurpee Day, grab your free Slurpee, cool down, and ignore the heat – both from outside, and from your Slurpee cup. And most importantly, just because you write the phrase “hot Slurpee take” in your notebook doesn’t mean you have to write an entire article about it.